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The following was published in The New York Times. This is a NYU college
admissions application essay question, and an actual answer written by
an applicant:
 
  ------------------------------------
 
Question 3A: In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to
know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following

Question: 
Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments
you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
 
 -------------------------------------
 
 
Answer:
 
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them
more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs
for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my
sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe
inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty
minutes.
 
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended
a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I
play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of
numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges
in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I
repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a
concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
 
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have
been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured
New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.
 
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany
circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving
objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David
Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining
room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the
supermarket.  I have performed several covert operations with the CIA.
 
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation
in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had
seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I
weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off
steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the
meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
  
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a
toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in SanJuan,
cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I
have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken
with Elvis.
 
But I have not yet gone to college.
  

 ----------------------
 
  He was accepted.
 


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